


What If?

by Utter_Mess_Jess



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Draco is an ass for a while, Eating Disorders, F/F, Ginny and Luna are in the same year as Harry, Good Draco Malfoy, Homophobia, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Ravenclaw Hermione Granger, Ron Weasley Being an Asshole, Self-Harm, Sirius Black and Remus Lupin Raise Harry Potter, Slytherin Ginny Weasley, Slytherin Harry Potter
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-10
Updated: 2021-01-05
Packaged: 2021-03-06 19:27:01
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 7
Words: 14,983
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26384107
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Utter_Mess_Jess/pseuds/Utter_Mess_Jess
Summary: Life is full of what ifs.What if Voldemort had died that halloween along with James and Lily Potter? What if Sirius Black had stunned Peter Pettigrew and had never gone to Azkaban? What if Harry Potter was raised in a loving home? And what if the sorting hat decided his true home was in Slytherin?What if you stick around to found out?
Relationships: Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter, Hermione Granger/Blaise Zabini, Luna Lovegood/Ginny Weasley, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 12
Kudos: 136





	1. Chapter One- The boy who survived

**Author's Note:**

> Trigger warnings will be on the required chapters, if you feel like I missed a trigger warning please let me know.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always: enjoy, comment, and Kudos are not required but welcome; they give me large amounts of serotonin. XO

Harry Potter considered himself ordinary. No one had ever said it to his face, but deep down, he knew it. Other than surviving Voldemort, only due to his parents hiding him in a closet, he didn’t have anything exciting in his life. The only thing he considered extraordinary was his ability to play quidditch, the team chaser like his father. He had initially wanted to be a seeker but hadn’t been good enough.

Even as he got ready to go to Diagonally Alley with his adopted parents, he looked in the mirror. The same crazy black hair, same deep green eyes, and that was about it. He had a scattering of light freckles across his nose and shoulders, and a few scars from four or so years of quidditch accidents. 

“Harry! It’s time to go!” Pulling on his shoes, and a coat, he joined his parents downstairs.

Sirius black stood with his arms around his husband of sixteen years. The man's hair was past his shoulders and in a half ponytail. Remus Lupin-Black talked about going to a muggle bookstore on their way home, his scarred face had a smile from one side to the other. The two men's styles clashed with the tall stick-thin Remus wearing a cardigan and matching brown pants. Sirius had a muggle band shirt, leather jacket, and black jeans that ended with combat boots. As he came down the staircase, his parents looked at him.

“All ready, Harry?” He stood in between his parents with a nod, grabbed their arms, and closed his eyes. After a few seconds of uncomfortable squeezing on his body, they stood in a side street outside the Leaky Caldron in London. 

Sirius and Remus were greeted by multiple people, many knowing them from their work in the Order of the Phoenix. Harry didn’t like the attention his dads seemed to get when they were around other wizards. He preferred the silence of their house or even the common room at Hogwarts. 

Throughout the afternoon, they got all of his needed school supplies for his sixth year at Hogwarts. They had run into a few of his friends and their families throughout the day. His eyes searched every shop for the set of familiar grey eyes that seemed to help with his anxiety of being around so many people. However, as they ate dinner in a muggle restaurant, Harry pushed his food around the plate as the sadness crept in at not seeing his crush.

The next morning he was awakened with a cake that Sirius had baked. As he blew out his sixteenth birthday candles, he wished for confidence. Confidence to finally tell his grey-eyed obsession his true feelings, no matter the outcome.

After a day of fun and gifts, harry settled into his bed as excitement for the next day began. September First meant heading to his second home, where he could be his quiet, shy self. And the place where his friends would surround him daily.

As he drifted off, his dreams were filled with made-up stolen kisses, grey eyes, and blonde hair light enough to look white.

∴ ∵ ∴ ∵  
It was a blur of a morning. As Remus backed his own trunk, harry rushed through packing as if that would make the time move faster. Sirius helped and made sure the two of them didn’t forget anything. However, he fully expected a letter within the week of what they had forgotten.

As the three of them left, Remus rattled on and on about his lesson plans for the year. Once they got to Kings Cross Station and got onto the platform 9 ¾, Remus kissed his husband goodbye, agreeing to meet in Hogsmeade the next weekend. Harry hugged his papa tight; he hated having to say goodbye to the man who stepped in when Albus Dumbledore had wanted to send him to his muggle family. He was still in contact with his Aunt Petunia and cousin Dudley. He saw them every Christmas and a couple times during summer break. 

“Make sure to study, don’t give your teachers to much grief, and please please try and be more open this year, hun. I know you have your friends, but you’ve got to open up to them.” The boy looked into his papa's blue eyes.

“I’ve tried, I swear I have. It’s just so hard, how do I just come out and say it? I want them to know it’s just so hard, papa.” The older man pulled the boy, who was becoming a man, into a tight hug.

“You told us, Harry. We love you more than words, and if they are truly your friends, then they will support and love you.” Harry froze as he caught sight of a white blonde boy and his mother walking towards them. Feeling Harry freeze, Sirius turned around to see his cousin and her son approaching him.

“Sirius, how’ve you been?”

“I’ve been well Narcissa, you?”

“Doing well, I started at St. Mungo's last month.”

“I suppose we should start calling you, Dr. Black, then?” They both laughed. The two boys stood there awkwardly, neither seeing the small glances they made at each other. Harry finally gathered the courage to speak when the train whistle blew. Both parents said goodbye and hugged their children, who quickly climbed aboard the train. They were silent as they joined their friends at the back of the train. 

Harry smiled at Hermione, who was holding hands with his best friend, Blaise. The two had been on again off again since third year; it looks like they were on. With her voluminous hair that never seemed to calm down, the brunette Ravenclaw was holding a thick book in her lap with her cat and Blaise's cat wrapped up between them. Blaise, with his strong features and ever-present smirk, was reading a thick book as well. The couple was well suited for each other and had met in the library as second years. Blaise was the reason Hermione was their friend.

Sitting across from them, Ginny and Luna, who were whispering between the two of them like always. The blonde Ravenclaw with her wand tucked behind her long flowing hair with a sunflower crown holding parts back. And the ginger Slytherin with her long hair and freckles that covered her body; they had been together since anyone could remember.

And finally, Draco. The blonde Slytherin was like the sun to harry, he had been roommates with him since first year, and after getting rejected by Ron Weasley for being a Slytherin, Draco had taken him under his wing quickly. Without a doubt, Draco was attractive. At sixteen, he was six feet tall, and from being keeper on the quidditch team was fit. 

Harry and Draco sat in the seats across from their friends, who all looked up at their arrival. Each of them recounted their summer breaks and hopes for the year. They all changed into their robes as they neared Hogwarts, Harry focusing on not staring as Draco changed. Draco, Harry didn’t notice, had snuck a glimpse or two at the black-haired green-eyed boy, who was fit like himself.

Hogwarts, as always, was a marvelous sight to behold. From the towers to the lights, and to the large forest surrounding it, every student was always amazed at their second home. Harry was no different; he loved the first glimpse of the castle every year, the building never changed, but he always noticed something new about it.  
Taking their seats in the Great Hall, they sat through the Sorting Hats weird and monotone song. The first years were sorted into their respective houses, and finally, the Headmistress spoke.

“Welcome back to our returning students, and welcome to our new students. As always, I must remind you that you need a pass to go into the forbidden forest, and do not approach animals without checking with Hagrid first. We have all of our returning teachers, and would like to remind you each to remember who your head of the house is so you may check in with them occasionally.” Headmistress McGonagall was a strong woman who had taken over Hogwarts after the previous headmaster, Albus Dumbledore, had helped Gellert Grindelwald escape Azkaban. 

Four teachers stood up and walked to the ends of each of the tables. Harry smiled at his dad, who stood proudly in front of the students. Many of the first years commented on his scars from being a werewolf, but none of the older students commented. He was one of the best teachers, and anyone here would fight for him without a doubt.

“Now, for Hufflepuff, your head of the house is Professor Sprout, she is also our herbology teacher. For Gryfindor, Professor Lupin is your head of house and your defense against the dark arts teacher. For Ravenclaw, Professor Flitwick will be your head of house and Charms teacher. And finally, Slytherin, Professor Snape, is your head of house and potions teacher.” The teachers returned to their seats, Snape, gave a wink to his house, and sat down.  
After spying on Voldemort and Dumbledore for many years, he was considered one of the great wizarding war heroes. He had gladly resumed his post after helping James and Lily Potter defeat Voldemort. As the headmistress took her seat, everyone began to eat the magically appearing food.

The banquet lasted for two hours, until everyone headed into their common rooms into their dorms, and finally into bed to start the next day.


	2. Chapter Two- Broken Hearts and Flower Crowns

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone,  
> This is the start of Harrys' POV, which will be the main POV for the story; it might switch occasionally.
> 
> As always: enjoy, comment, and Kudos are not required but welcome but they give me serotonin. XO

Waking up, I snuggled deeper into the blankets of my bed. Over the summer, I had gotten used to my bed at home. Now that I was sleeping on the cloud that was my mattress at Hogwarts, I decided to skip breakfast and just sleep until at least 8:45. That would give me fifteen minutes before I had to be in Charms. Happy with my decision, I turned onto my stomach and fell back asleep.

Not even five minutes into my second round of sleep, I was awoken to a bright as hell light. I peaked up through my hair to see a blurry Blaise glaring down at me; Draco was yawning behind him. I sat up fully and grabbed my glasses off the side table; I looked back at the now clear Blaise with a big yawn.

“The castle better be on fire, Blaise.”

“You’ll be on fire if you skip breakfast. I refuse to let you two idiots skip meals like last year.” Digging in my trunk, he threw clothes at me while handing Draco a hairbrush. “Move it, Harry Potter. I am meeting my girlfriend in ten minutes for a quick snog, some food, another snog, and then class all by nine.”  
I glared at him but got dressed quickly. I ran my fingers through my thick hair, making it spiky like normal. Blaise nodded at my appearance, and like the mother hen he is, grabbed my bag, Dracos', and his and headed out the door. We walked through the common room, and I caught sight of the clock; it was only 7:50.

“For fucksake, Blaise! It’s not even eight yet!” Draco moaned and groaned all the way to the great hall where Blaise and Hermione kissed and walked off towards the front door. “I say we use the leg-locker curse tomorrow so he can’t get out of bed.” Laughing slightly, I nodded.

“Knowing him, he’d just hop everywhere.” We stood there for a second, quietly, awkwardly. “Um… We could go into breakfast? I mean, we’re already down here.” I babbled, pushing my glasses up my nose, looking at Draco, he still looked half asleep.

“I guess. I don’t want to walk all the way back to the dungeons, and who knows how long it would take to fall asleep. We can see if Ginny and Luna wanna join… It would be weird just the two of us.” Agreeing, we both awkwardly laughed and turned at the same time to go inside the Great Hall. We bumped shoulders, and my face turned red.

We sat at our usual spot towards the back of the table towards the door. Draco sat across from me and began to butter his toast. After shoveling some eggs and potatoes onto my plate, I poured a glass of orange juice. Seeing Draco still buttering his toast, I grabbed his plate, avoiding the eggs that I knew he disliked, pouring him a glass of apple juice due to his allergy to oranges, I placed the plate and cup back in front of him. He looked at the plate, then me a few times.

“Oh, thanks Harry.” Finishing making his toast, he began to add raspberry jam to two more pieces handing them to me. “There you go, it’s quicker to do it that way I suppose.” 

We fell into silence as we ate. Halfway through our meal, Blaise joined his, the buttons on his shirt uneven; Draco pointed at them with a laugh, he quickly fixed it. I looked over at Hermione, she was fixing her lipgloss and hair, which was crazier than usual.

As we all finished eating, we went our separate ways heading for various classes. However, Draco and I had the same classes all day, it was rare, but it had happened in our first year. We took the table in the back left corner, spreading out the parchment, books, and wands. This was the first of two classes we had with Gryfindor.  
The rest of our class filtered in, followed by a loud group of the Gryffindor boys, Ron Wealsy leading them. He glared at the group of Slytherins that had all sat in the back. He hit the back of my head with his bag, smirking as my glasses hit the table.

“The hell weasel!” Draco handed me my glasses, glaring at the redhead. “You did that on purpose, you arse.” Ron just looked at the two of us and laughed.

“Aw, potters got himself a boyfriend. How white knight of you snake.” Draco went to jump at Ron; I stood up, catching his hand.

“Don’t! We have quidditch practice tonight, remember?” I slowly pulled Draco back into his seat, we both ignored Ron. Throughout our class, the two of us didn’t talk much, just going through the motions of class.

A part of me had leaped at hearing Ron call Draco, my boyfriend. However, I did notice that the tips of Draco's ears had turned a light shade of pink throughout the class. It wasn’t until we stood up to go to Defense that we both noticed I hadn’t let go of his hand.

∴ ∵ ∴ ∵

Sitting in the desks in the Defense of the Dark Arts classroom, I saw Blaise and Hermione come in holding hands; we shared this class with Ravenclaw. They sat at the desks on our right, whispering between themselves. I heard something about creating a schedule for studying, making sure to include everyone. Right as the bell rang, a disheveled Luna and Ginny sat on our left; throughout the class, Luna braided Ginny's hair.

"Good morning, everyone. Welcome to your sixth year, and a pretty exciting one. Now, let's do a little review. Who to pick on first." As a group, we laughed. It was known throughout school that dad was a pretty easy going teacher. "Ginny, what is the name of the king of serpents?"

“A Basilisk?”

“Correct, and what is one quality of a Basilisk unique to it, Hermione?”

“A Basilisk can petrify someone who sees it’s reflection, but it kills if you make direct eye contact.”

“Two for two, everyone. Harry, what is the mirror of Erised? I know we only lightly touched on that last year, but you will all experience it this year.”

“It shows you what you want, what you truly want.” Nodding, he looked at Draco.

“Draco, name something that can be charmed with dark magic.” 

“Uh, anything really. A fork, a comb, or a necklace. The possibilities are endless.” Nodding, Dad walked up to the board at the front of the room.

“This year, we will be doing sections of different creatures and topics. First, we will start with things like the Mirror Erised, different magical objects, and even a few cursed objects. Then underwater creatures, mermaids or giant squids, all that stuff. And finally, towards the end of the year, we will do a small unit on Werewolves, which I would like to consider myself an expert in.” We all laughed at his attempt at a joke.

Throughout the rest of the class, we did a review from last year and then had the last few minutes to talk amongst ourselves. Draco and I looked at each other once, both turning a light shade of pink. We didn’t speak unless necessary throughout the rest of the week.

By the weekend, Draco and I weren’t even sitting next to each other in class. When we arrived in our classes, he gravitated towards one of our housemates, Pansy Parkinson. The two of them seemed to go everywhere together.

I brushed it off, feeling slightly hurt at how he was ignoring me. If I asked him a question, I got one or two-word answers or even was dismissed altogether. The only who seemed to notice was Hermione, and it wasn’t until Sunday evening when she and I were walking to lunch that she said something.

“Harry, you know you can tell me anything, right?” She pulled me aside next to a closet. “I know you try to keep to yourself and not ask anyone for anything. However,  
I’m your friend and am worried about you. You’re not talking or staying at meals long. You’ve even been studying alone.” I looked at her deep brown eyes; they only held concern. I bit my lip, the words wouldn’t come out, then she grabbed my hand, which seemed to open the floodgates. A tear slipped down my face, I was immediately in a hug. After a few minutes of me crying into her shoulder, another pair of arms went around our shoulders.

“I thought you were waiting until after dinner to talk to him.” Blaise hugged us hard and then looked at me. “I can snag us some sandwiches and meet you guys down by the lake. Sound good?” I silently nodded as Hermione laced our fingers together. 

We didn’t talk as we walked down to our regular spot by the lake. We had found it our first year and had come here on sunny days ever since. The sun was out, and it wasn’t too cold as we settled into the grass a few feet from the water. Hermione started braiding flowers together into a crown; after making three, she put one on my head and one on hers.

After about ten minutes, Blaise joined us, a flower crown was placed on his hair; he gave Hermione a look but kept it on. We didn’t speak as we ate sandwiches, Blaise at three, Hermione one, and I ate half of one.

“So, who’s going to address the elephant in the grass?” Blaise finished his last sandwich and moved to sit behind Hermione, who leaned against his chest. “Come on, mate, we’ve noticed you and a certain blonde have been acting odd all week.” I sighed.

“I um… Well, it’s… it’s not easy to explain.” I looked across the water. “We had a… moment? Earlier this week. And ever since he’s been ignoring me, and hanging out with Pansy.”

“What moment? Did you kiss him finally?” Hermione hit Blaise in the knee. “Ow. What the bloody hell woman?” 

“You don’t just ask someone if they’ve kissed someone else.” I was turning redder by the second; she looked at me, covering her mouth with her hands. “Oh my gosh, you did kiss him? Why didn’t you tell me?”

“No! We didn’t, I swear! Ron said something about Draco being my white knight or something, and Draco went to attack him. I grabbed his hand, and we didn’t let go until the end of class.” Both sagged slightly. “Why would we? It’s not like we are both… Into guys or something.” They looked at each other, then me.

“Harry, we are your best friends, and we love you very much.”

“And we aren’t blind, mate.” She hit his knee again. “I swear Hermione, I will bend you over my knee if you hit me again.” She flushed and sat forward.  
I looked at the ground, they knew. I hadn’t known for more than a year, and just like my parents, they knew.

“How did you know?” Hermione grabbed my hand with a small smile.

“No one stares at someone that intensely unless they want something or they fancy them. And after watching you guys towards the end of the year and the beginning of this year, we just assumed. That and he stares at you too.”

“So, are you into girls and guys? Or just guys?” Blaise didn’t look angry or freaked out as he asked me.

“Um. No offense to Hermione, but girls freak me out. When we had that sex education class last year, I was literally reciting potion ingredients, then they started talking about the male side of things, and I couldn’t look away.”

“I ignored the entire lesson,” Blaise said with a laugh. “Who knew I’d be asked out by this lovely bookworm a few weeks later.”  
Hermione rolled her eyes, playing with the grass. We fell into a comfortable silence for a few minutes. Blaise and Hermione got comfortable as I laid on my side, making sure the flower crown stayed on. Blaise played with her dark hair, this dark skin and hers melding together well. I stared at my arm, the naturally tanned skin I had inherited from my father standing out from the green grass around us. Lost in my thoughts, I jumped slightly when Hermione sat straight up, back ramrod straight.

“You have to tell him.” Panic rose in my stomach.

“Tell who what?” 

“Draco. You have to tell him how you feel. The truth will set you free and all that.” I shook my head quickly.

“That is the last thing I want to do ‘mione. I would rather try to find the giant squid in the black lake then talk about that with him.” 

“No, you can do this. We will be right there; I promise this will work. You two are obviously both into each other.”

Over the next two hours, they convinced me to tell Draco how I felt. Basically dragging me back to the castle, I dragged my feet as we walked into the courtyard, looking for Draco. They stayed back a few feet behind me as I looked around. Finally finding his familiar blond hair, I walked towards him with a determined look on my face. He was facing me and made eye contact.

As I got closer, I saw he was leaning down towards someone talking to them. As I got closer, I saw him lean down to Pansys' face. He kept his eyes on me and kissed her; hard. I stopped walking as they broke apart. I didn't move as he kissed her again, a foreign look in his eyes as he stared at me while kissing her.  
I didn’t move as she stood, laced her fingers with his, and pulled him away. He looked over his shoulder at me and winked. I was on autopilot as I walked into the dining hall, not talking as I pushed my food around my plate, not eating any of it. 

As I entered the common room, Pansy and Draco were making out on the couch next to the fireplace; Blaise walked behind me and froze at sight. I didn’t speak as I ran up the stairs into the shower; I cried as the spray ran down my body.


	3. Chapter Three- Desire and Pain

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING: Homophobia, self-harm, and violence
> 
> As always: enjoy and comment. Kudos are not required but welcome; they give me large amounts of serotonin. XO

A week went by, then two, and finally three. We hadn't talked to each other, and he wasn't even looking at me anymore. I had been eating dinner after Hermione voiced concern about me not eating, and even during then, he ignored me. I was unfortunate enough to have to watch him and Pansy all over each other regularly, the only reprieve was during classes. Today was a perfect example; we were getting to go into one of the lower rooms where the Mirror of Erised resided.

The trip down to the room was short and filled with random information from Dad. As we filled the small room, we formed a half-circle as dad stood in front of us. We put our bags in the back of the room and sat on the floor, and stopped talking.

“As you’ve learned, this mirror will show you what you truly desire deep down. For every person it’s different, one person could see themselves as ruler of the world, or with the best pie ever made.” 

“What do you see sir?” Ginny asked, Dad laughed.

"I have everything in my life that I've ever wanted. I have a happy marriage with my first love. And I have the best son anyone could ever have." I turned red as everyone looked at me. "Now, who wants to go first?" Luna stepped forward. "No one has to say what they see, it's not a requirement, and not everyone has to go. Since you all have a free period after this class, you can leave or stay once you're done. If you don't want to go, I just ask that you stay until everyone has gone." He turned to Luna.

As she stepped forward, Ginny squeezed her hand. The mirror was turned facing the wall next to us, we could see Luna from the side. As the blonde stepped in front of the sizeable ornate mirror, she smiled. She laughed and looked behind her then back in the mirror; she stepped forward and placed her hand onto the mirror.

“Hi, mom.” Her eyes watered as she looked into the mirror. After a few minutes, she turned towards us. “I saw my mom, alive and happy. She died when I was nine.” She walked into Ginny’s arms, and the redhead held her.

Hermione went next. She kept her eyes closed for a second, then laughed as she opened them. She nodded and looked up and down at her reflection. As she turned towards us, she laughed again.

“Future Minister of Magic. I can get behind that.” Standing next to me, she kept smiling. 

Person after person stepped up to stand in front of the mirror. It turned out everyone wanted to go, many smiled, a few cried, and some didn’t react at all. After about an hour, the only people remaining were Blaise, Draco, and me. Blaise stepped forward, giving Hermione a kiss on her forehead.

The man took a deep breath and froze. Slowly, he smiled, looked at Hermione, and then back at the mirror. Without another look, he walked over and kissed Hermione, dragging her out of the room. He stuck his head around the door jam and looked at us.

“I was a best selling author and married to the beautiful Minister of Magic.” He winked and walked out. I hesitated to step forward, and Draco did the same. 

“All right boys, who’s next?” I looked at Draco, he didn’t even look my way. 

He stepped up to the mirror and looked like he was about to fall to his knees. He shook, and tears ran down his face. He looked at me for the first time in weeks, then ran out of the room. Dad looked at me.

“Your turn Harry.” I shook my head no.

“What do you see, dad?” He stepped in front of the mirror.

“I see all of us: Sirius, you, me, your mom, and your dad. There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t miss them. If they could see you now, I’m proud, and I’m sure they would be as well.” He moved to have me stand in front of the mirror.

“I don’t want to look into it. I know what I desire, and I know I’ll never get it. There is no use looking at something that’s going to make me hurt more.” Dad hugged me and walked out with me.

“Oh, since you didn’t go with me to Hogsmead to see your father, you don’t know about the gift he gave me.” Dad pulled out an envelope and handed it to me. Inside were two tickets to go to Australia to visit a dragon reserve. Dad was obsessed with dragons and had a close friend named Charlie, who worked in Bulgaria. I smiled up at dad.

“That’s amazing! When do you guys leave?” Dad frowned.

“See, that’s the thing. The day Christmas break starts, and we won’t get back till the day before it ends.”

“You’re still going, right? I can stay here. You just have to promise to bring me a dragon tooth.” Dad laughed and gave me a big hug.

“Sirius wanted me to tell you, you know how he gets when we have to leave you behind. You remember that week last year during summer vacation? You’d think we were gone a month.”

“And he came back and tackled me and ended up breaking his ankle? How could I forget?” We laughed and joked as he walked me to my next class. 

As I sat in the desk, I tried to not think about what Draco could have seen. However, as I looked over at him during the rest of our classes, I couldn’t help but be worried. He was paler than usual and looked like someone had kicked him in the chest. I tried to ask him about it before dinner, but he pushed past me and ignored me once again.

∴ ∵ ∴ ∵

The next couple of months passed in a blur. Between classes, exams, and trips to Hogsmeade, life seemed to go on as if the beginning of the school year never happened. Draco was still ignoring me as everyone prepared to leave for the holidays. 

Blaise was going to go home and then to France for the break. Hermione was going to be home for a week then join Blaise in France. And Ginny and Luna were staying here with me. The night before break started, I decided to talk to Draco, I waited in my bed. I wanted some kind of explanation of what had happened over the last few months. Had I just been so caught up in my feelings? Were Blaise and Hermione wrong? Was Draco mad at me and just acting out?

The questions fluttered in my head as the dorm room door opened. Draco walked in, hair sticking up in random directions, shirt untucked, and various buttons were undone. I laid there, watching him as he got ready for bed. He came out of the bathroom and looked in the mirror. He examined a love bite on his neck with a smirk; our eyes met.

“Stare much, Potter?” I looked away immediately.

“You said we would talk later, and then we never talked.” He nodded, sitting on his bed, which was next to mine. I swallowed around the lump in my throat, forcing the words out. “Why have you been ignoring me?” He snorted.

“You sound like a woman. I’ve been busy with classes, homework, and other things.”

“I didn’t mean it like that. You’ve barely spoken to me months. Did I do something to make you angry?” He glared at me.

“Merlin, you really don’t get it do you?” I sat up straighter and looked at him.

“What are you talking about?” He laughed, no humor in the sound, his eyes like ice.

“You seem to think we are some item or something. I defend you against Weasley, and now you’re obsessed with my every move. You are watching me constantly. I have a girlfriend who can worry about that. I don’t need some guy obsessed with me; it’s disgusting.”

I don’t think I breathed as he spoke. Disgusting…

“What do you mean disgusting?”

“Do our other dorm mates know you’re a homo? I’m sure they would ask to move rooms immediately. Do you jack off to us when we change? Or am I just lucky enough to have you obsessed with me?” I felt a tear roll down my cheek. “Now, you’re crying, what a puss.” He grabbed his blanket and pillow, walking towards the door. I stood up and walked towards him.

“Wait, please. I know you like me too; I’m not crazy.”

“You’re wrong. You are crazy, you’re sick. People like you who want to fuck men are less then muggles. I don’t want you near me, merlin knows if your disease can spread.” 

He walked out the door, slamming it behind him. I dropped to my knees as his words sunk in. We had all been wrong; my thoughts spiraled like a corkscrew. He must’ve known how I felt and kept an eye on me to make sure I didn’t do anything. I heard someone coming up the stairs; I blew out the candle next to my bed and pulled the curtains tight. My tears ran down my face as I silently cried; I ignored Blaise as he tried to talk to me.

∴ ∵ ∴ ∵

I didn’t sleep at all. I was up and out of the common room before six, knowing Blaise had to get up at six-thirty to leave. I had said goodbye to my dad last night, so I decided to hide in the astronomy tower.

Over the hour, I stared at the ceiling, wishing it would fall and crush me beneath the stone. I fell asleep soon after. Only waking up to the sound of someone coming up the stairs. Sitting up, I looked into the eyes of Ron. He smirked at me.

“Well, well. A snake out of their pit. What are you doing so far from your hole?” I quickly stood up and moved towards the door. He stood in front of me. “And where do you think you’re going?”

“Back to the common room.” I tried to leave again; he punched me in the stomach; I fell to the ground. After multiple kicks, a few punches to the face, and laughing as tears ran down my face, he left. I basically ran to the common room.

As I walked inside, there was no one there. Running into the dorm, I remembered everyone had left for the break. I curled up in my bed, touching my split lip and the cut on my cheek from his ring. I cleaned up the blood coming from my lip with my sleeve and felt the parts of my stomach he had punched. 

I thought of everything that had happened in the last 24 hours, from Draco calling me diseased to Ron attacking me. My hair fell into my face as I tried to breathe through the blossoming pain in my ribs. Slowly getting up, more tears left my eyes as I grabbed my towel. I entered the shower and used a charm to make it so no one could come in. Using a few healing spells I had read about in the book in my trunk, I healed the large cut on my face.

I peeled off my clothes and looked into the mirror as the water heated up. My face wasn’t as bad as it felt. A small bruise was forming on my face, my lip was swollen and split. My chest and stomach were the worst; multiple dark bruises littered my skin. I checked to make sure none of my ribs were broken; they weren’t but were extremely sore.

Standing underneath the hot spray, I wished I could go down the drain like the water. I looked straight forward at the wall in front of me. With tears running down my face, I punched the wall once. Ignoring the stinging pain, I did it repeatedly until there was blood on the wall. I looked at my hand, seeing my bleeding knuckles.   
Rinsing the wall and my hand, I stopped the bleeding. I got out of the shower, got dressed, and slowly left the room. I put my dirty clothes away and climbed onto my bed, closing the curtains and putting a locking charm on them.

I fell asleep with the sight of cold gray eyes and quick blows in my head.

∴ ∵ ∴ ∵

I fell into a cycle of sleeping 2-3 hours and having little to no food in the first week of break. I had been cornered by Ron three more times, my lip hadn’t healed, and I had to heal myself multiple times; Bruises covered most of my torso. My knuckles were scabbed and swollen from them, repeatedly hitting the stone wall of the shower. 

By the second week, I was like a shell. I didn’t react as Ron hit me. My stomach didn’t make a noise; I drank water to keep it happy. I hadn’t slept since Monday, it was Thursday, and it was taking its toll. I couldn’t pay attention to anything, whether Ginny and Luna talked, or to the changing staircases. I had taken to hiding in the common room by the window that looked at the underwater lake. 

Christmas eve, I sat in the same dark corner of the common room finishing a book Blaise had recommended. My vision kept swaying, my stomach giving up on the thought of food, and even my hands shook slightly. Ginny opened the common room door, looking left and right; only five of us stayed. She dragged Luna in with a giggle and disappeared up the stairs.

I didn’t move from my spot until the sun came up. Ginny and Luna came back downstairs, I pretended to be asleep. They opened presents and were happy as could be. Slowly, I started to fall asleep. I slept for around an hour before I woke up, there was a stack of presents next to me, but no one was around. I opened them slowly. Dad had gotten me a bunch of candy, a never emptying water bottle, and a few new quills. Papa, however, was a bit more… reckless with his gifts. Included in the small box were a bottle of firewhiskey, a few joints, a muggle lighter, and cigarettes with a note that said:

“Don’t tell dad, but you’re getting to that age where you are going to want to try all this stuff. Better to do it now, then later. Lots of love, Dadfoot.”

Rolling my eyes, I put everything back in the box. And moved on the presents from Blaise and Hermione, who both got me books. The one from Blaise was a muggle book about a demi-god, and Hermione got me a book on wand lore. Ginny and Luna had gotten me candy. 

And then there was one final box, it was small, and silver. There wasn’t a name or a card attached, so I opened it slowly. Inside sat a tiny crystal on a necklace; as I held the crystal, it turned black. Looking in the box, there was a small card; I read it out loud.

“The protector crystal.” Raising an eyebrow, I looked at the crystal and kept reading. “One person gets the stone, and the other gets the crystal. When the wearer of the crystal is hurt or in pain, the stone owner will know where the person is, their stone will get warm and vibrate.” I turned the box over, looking for a name, and found a label. “Purchased July 17th; to be delivered on Christmas Day.” It must’ve been from dad; he was always worrying about me.

Without a second thought, I put the necklace on; it turned black when it hit my skin. And according to the card, that meant I was hurt. With dad on a different continent, I didn’t think anything of it. Deciding to go down to eat since everyone would start filtering in tomorrow, and I knew Hermione would get onto me about eating.

After eating my first proper meal in weeks, I decided to take my time walking back to the dungeons. I was about two minutes away when an arm went around my throat.

Within seconds, another person was punching me everywhere. My face, my chest, and my stomach were beaten repeatedly. Finally, the people let me go. They spit on me, called me “Fag” and ran away. It took me ten minutes, but I finally got up.

I limped into the common room and up the stairs, stopping occasionally. As I walked into the dorm room, I froze; Draco was standing there looking panicked. He turned towards me and dropped what he had been holding.

“What in the bloody hell happened to you?” I ignored him and walked past him, grabbing my towel and walking into the bathroom. 

Using the same spell I had been for weeks, I locked the door as he beat on it. I slowly peeled my clothes off, feeling that at least one of my ribs was broken. Using a spell, I healed my ribs, but couldn’t help the scream that left my lips as they knitted back together.

“Harry! I swear to merlin if you don’t let me in there, I will burn this whole castle down.” I cast a silencing spell so I couldn’t hear him, and he couldn’t hear me.

I quickly showered, rinsing the blood and tears from my face. I slowly got dressed, catching my reflection in the mirror. My small frame had shrunk in the last few weeks, my hip bones were visible, and covered in layers of bruises. The worst part was my face, it was covered in scratches and cuts. I mended them the best I could and finally took the charms down. Immediately the door flew open to show Draco in distress.

Draco had tears running down his face, and he was staring at me. I ducked under his arm, making sure not to touch him, so I didn’t make him more disgusted by me. I climbed into my bed slowly, ignoring him as he followed me. Closing the curtains, I ignored the look on his face, my eyes drifted closed as the thoughts of his previous words to me sunk in.

I made a vow to myself to stay out of his way, that way he would never be disgusting like me.


	4. Chapter Four- Escapes and Punches

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warning: Violence, Homophobic Words, and Adult Language
> 
> Apologies for the lateness, I honestly thought I posted it; apparently not. However, it's better late than never.
> 
> As always: enjoy and comment. Kudos are not required but welcome; they give me large amounts of serotonin. XO

It was hard to lie in bed waiting for Draco to leave. After my large meal last night, my stomach was craving food again. Hearing him get up, shower, and then hearing the door shut, I slowly got up. I took off my shirt and began to change when I heard a deep intake of breath behind me.

“Did your dads do that to you?” The voice from behind me was quiet and soft; I whipped around, regardless. Dracos eyes were large as he looked at my torso. He stepped towards me, I took a step back. “We need to take you to Madam Pomfrey. She needs to heal you.” He was rambling as he moved to push me towards the door. Once again, I stepped away from him.

“I’m fine. Just go to breakfast and leave me alone.” His hand was frozen in midair, his eyes lingered on my necklace, and then he stepped back. The same revolted look taking over his features, rolling his eyes, he walked out the door. 

I dressed quickly and headed down to breakfast. A few students had returned, and I notice Blaise and Hermione sitting with Ginny and Luna at the Ravenclaw table. I pulled my hood over my face and sit at the end of the table, quickly eating. I look around slowly to see Draco staring at me, Ron grinning at me, and Blaise staring at the top of my head. As Blaise got up and walked towards me, I bolted out of the dining hall.

Running outside, I ran into the forbidden forest until I reached the water. I went to sit at the edge of the water and ended up sliding in the mud and landing on my back. Laying there for a second, I stared at the sky. After a few minutes, I slowly got up.  
Finding a grass patch, I took off my mud-soaked hoodie and sat on it. I pulled one of the joints and the lighter out of my pants pocket. After lighting it, I took a long drag off it, breathing in the foreign smoke. I coughed against the feeling of the smoke but took another drag. After the fourth drag, I didn’t cough anymore, a numbish feeling settling over me.

As I smoked the joint to the end, the high set in, and I couldn’t help the smile on my face. My limbs were heavy; however, I was floaty at the same time. Lying there, I watched the clouds roll by, not noticing the cold that was sinking into my limbs. 

I don’t know how long I laid there, but I heard someone walking towards me. Not finding the need to investigate, I didn’t get up. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Draco. He was red in the face and breathing hard.

“Where in the hell have you been?!?” Laying my arm across my eyes, I shrugged. “We’ve all been looking for you.” 

He was looking for me? Fat chance. I laughed at him, the first full laugh I’ve had since the summer, to the point tears leaked out of my eyes. He walked over and pulled me up to my feet by my shirt. I pushed him back; it surprised him.

"Don't touch me." My skin crawled at the thought of ruining him like I was. I grabbed my hoodie off the ground and started to walk the opposite way he had come; he grabbed my shirt's back, and I saw red. As a gut reaction, I turned around and punched him in the face. "I said, don't touch me, Malfoy. Now fuck off." 

I quickly walked away from him, not looking back. Walking on shaky legs, I finally made a circle towards the castle. I pulled my muddy hoodie on as I walked through the archway into the castle; more people had arrived back for the rest of the term. Meaning my dad would be back today; I wasn't as excited about that as I should've been. 

Walking into the common room, Blaise and Pansy were helping Draco with a bloody nose. Pansy saw me first and stood up; she walked over to me and slapped me across the face; her nails scratched my cheek.

“Fuck you, freak. Leave my boyfriend alone.” No one in the common room moved. I turned right back around, catching the glare Blaise shot my way. As I walked out, I felt a need to feel pain, pain for hurting Draco. Pain for living…

I walked towards Gryffindor tower; I was almost there when I was stopped by Hermione. She hugged me, not looking at my face yet. I hissed in pain as she hugged me tightly.

“I didn’t get a chance to talk to you at breakfast, and you’ve been missing since then. Blaise said Draco had found you and that you attack Draco. Harry, why would you do that? Draco was worried about you.” Swallowing against the lump in my throat, I unwrapped her arms from around me.

“Draco doesn’t give a shit about me. And if you had any brains, you’d do the same, wouldn’t want to infect you too.” I walked away in a haze as she tried to stop me; I didn’t know she followed me. After a few minutes, I caught sight of Rons’ familiar orange hair. I elbowed him as I walked past him.

“Oi, watch where you’re going Fag.” I ignored him, knowing he would follow me.

“You’re one to talk, Weasley, takes one to know one.” I turned the corner as he tackled me, turning me onto my back. I laid still as he punched every piece of me that he could reach. I heard a girl scream as he kept hitting me in the face.

Ron was pulled off me as I started to blackout, I slipped in and out of consciousness seeing random people. I let myself fade off as the last face I saw was a concerned blonde who had tears in his eyes.

∴ ∵ ∴ ∵

Pain. That was all I felt as I woke up, blinded by lights above me. I let my eyes adjust to the light, and slowly sat up. Sitting on my left was dad, who was asleep. And on my right was Hermione and Blaise, she was reading a thick book, and he was sleeping against her shoulder. She looked up at me and dropped her book, making both men wake up.

“Harry! Thank merlin, you’re awake.” Dad automatically stood up and left to get someone.

“You scared us so much. What were you thinking going after Ron like that?” I didn’t answer her as dad returned with Madame Pompfrey. 

“Good morning Mr. Potter. You gave us all quite the scare, I’ll run another diagnostic on you, then you should be good to go.” Everyone got up and walked out of the small room as the nurse took out her wand. “Now, you shouldn’t feel anything as I run the diagnostic.”

She waved her wand over my body and wrote down various things on a pad of paper. After about ten minutes, she nodded and pulled up one of the chairs. And finally looked at me.

“Now, I will leave it up to you. I can tell your father everything I found, or I can keep it between you and me.” I thought for a second, dad would freak out, or worse, tell papa who would show up and completely lose his mind.

“I don’t want him to know.” She nodded and looked down at the pad of paper.

“Alright. Where to start.” She bit her lip. “The beginning, I suppose. You have had multiple broken ribs that have been healed in the last few weeks. Am I safe in assuming you were the one to heal yourself?”

“Yes, I found a book in the library about healing spells and different potions last year, and it interested me. So this time, I checked it out to use on myself.” She nodded with a smile.

“Well, you have quiet the hand for healing. You have had multiple lacerations to your face and a concussion or two. There was an overwhelming amount of bruising on your torso, legs, and back.” This wasn’t news to me. “Your most recent injuries included a broken nose, a few loose teeth, and many cuts and bruises. I healed you the best I could. However, you still have a split lip, a few bruises on your torso, and a mild concussion. And there is another thing that I know is not from another person.” I looked down at my hands, my knuckles were covered in scars that she must have healed. I looked up at her and nodded. Patting my hand, she stood up.

“I would like to know who did this to you, whether it is your parents or someone else.”

“It’s not my parents, I swear.” I didn’t say anything else. She sighed and looked into my eyes.

“Am I safe in assume another student has been doing this to you?” Nodding, she sighed at me. “You don’t have to tell me who did it, but I strongly recommend turning them into your head of house. I have set up a meeting with Professor Snape on Monday after classes resume. He was concerned about you not coming to him or another teacher with this.”

She patted my hand again and stood up and left the small area. I slowly got out of bed and pulled on my clothes and shoes that were sitting on a small table. When I came out, dad was gone, but Hermione and Blaise were still standing there. Hermione was holding onto Blaise tightly, and he was kissing the top of her head. As I exited the small room, she immediately wrapped me in a hug.

“Harry. Merlin, I was so worried about you! Draco sent us an owl saying something had happened to you and that we needed to come back immediately.” I didn’t make eye contact with her. “He wanted to come here, but he had quidditch.” Once again, I didn’t react as we left the hospital wing and headed towards the dining hall; she kept talking. “It’s dinner time, and then Hufflepuff is having a huge party for New Years. I wasn’t sure if you would be up to it, but we are heading over there around ten.”

As she rattled on, I strolled behind them. We arrived in the dining hall, and she didn’t hesitate to sit next to Ginny, Luna, Draco, and Theo Knott. Theo was in our year and typically kept to himself reading. Draco was laughing with Ginny as we approached; I noticed that Pansy was glaring at Draco from the other end of the table. I sat as far from everyone else that I could, staring at the table in front of me.

After a few minutes of staring at the wood, oak I think, a plate was placed in front of me by a pale hand. I looked up to see gray eyes staring at me with a sad look; the plate was loaded with meat, potatoes, and green beans. A glass with milk was placed next to the plate by him. I just stared at the food. Looking up through my eyelashes, I saw him move his plate to sit in front of me.

What was he doing? Was this a trap? Was he trying to see how long he could stand to sit in front of me?

“I know you love potatoes, and you always have a glass of milk with dinner.” I didn’t answer as he attempted a small smile. “How was your break? Hermione mentioned you stayed here cuz your dads went somewhere.” Still no answer, my hand shook as I picked up my fork.

Pushing the food around my plate and eating a few bites, I drank a small amount of the milk. Conversations continued around me, Draco talking to Ginny about quidditch, Luna talking to Blaise and Hermione about various things. I started to slowly get up to head to the common room; Draco was immediately on his feet. I glared at him and shook my head; he looked hurt but sat back down.

I sauntered towards the common room, taking my time until I was pulled into a closet. Pushed against the wall with an arm against my throat and a wand against the side of my head. I looked into a pair of angry brown eyes, Ron.

“You tell anyone about what happened, you stupid homo, and I swear I will make your life hell.” Kneeing me between the legs, he dropped me, punching me in the nose again. He left with a slam of the door. Whipping my nose with the back of my hand, I fixed my nose with a quick spell and continued towards the common room; Draco was standing outside the door looking panicked.

“Where were you?” Sighing, I ignored him and walked past him. “Harry.” Grabbing my arm, he pulled me to a stop. “Talk to me.” 

I ripped my arm out of his grasp, said the password to the portrait, and walked towards the dorm room. He followed me upstairs, I prepared myself for another attack.   
I kept my wand in my hand, making sure I could at least fight back if necessary.

“If you want to get ready for the party, I am too. It’s not for a few hours, though.” Sitting on my bed, I untied my shoes and laid back. “A nap sounds like a good idea. I’ll wake you up before the party, wouldn’t want to be late, Hermione would probably kill us.” I rolled over as he kept talking. Closing my eyes, hoping he would just get it over with and stop the fake being nice. Hearing him get on his bed, I relaxed slightly. 

Why was he acting like this? Was he just waiting until I felt comfortable to just tear me down again? I understood where we stood and how he felt about me. There was zero need for him to remind me of sick it was for me to like men. Anytime those thoughts arose, I pushed them down until it made me sick. I refused to let them turn into anything ever again. 

Maybe I just needed to find a girlfriend to make the thoughts stop? Maybe Ginny and Luna could set me up with someone? I drifted off to sleep as thoughts of some girl touching me, and me trying to not be repulsed by her.


	5. Chapter Five- Getting loose

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning: Underage drinking and Drug use
> 
> As always: enjoy and comment. Kudos are not required but welcome; they give me large amounts of serotonin. XO

I woke up to someone poking my chest and saying my name. My eyes slowly opened to a smiling face, Draco.

“Hey, we have about a half-hour until it’s time to go.” I nodded and sat up, freezing at the sight of his bare chest. I bit the inside of my cheek until I bled, reminding myself not to look and that it was sick to linger on his chest. I moved to the opposite side of the bed. I took my clothes into the bathroom, changing quickly; I waited a few more minutes until I was sure he was dressed. Opening the door, I saw him tying his shoes, fully clothed. 

Walking over and pulling on my shoes, I brushed my hair out of my eyes with my fingers. Draco stood and walked towards the door; I grabbed a joint out of my extra pair of shoes and followed him. We walked silently to the Hufflepuff common room, he knocked on the door, and it opened to show a party in full swing; Draco was welcomed as we walked in. I stayed behind him as he joined Blaise and Hermione, who were both holding cups with blue liquid inside of them.

I turned away from them, looking for Ginny and Luna, they were dancing on the left side of the common room. I saw a girl sitting alone smoking a joint; I walked over and joined her on the floor against the wall. Lighting my own joint, I took a few drags off it, letting the numb feeling sink into my bones. She turned her head and looked at me with a smile, sticking her hand out.

“Melanie.”

“Harry.” She nodded and stood up, walking over to the snack table, she grabbed a bowl of pretzels and a bottle of clear liquid. Rejoining me on the floor, she turned towards me.

“Hungry?” I started to eat the pretzels with a shrug, taking another deep drag off the joint, finishing it quickly. “So, what year are you?” 

“Sixth, you?”

“Seventh. A younger man, ooo.” I chuckled at her. “Slytherin right?” Nodding, I looked at her.

"I would guess you're a Hufflepuff? You seem insanely comfortable down on the floor." She nodded, opening the bottle of liquid. Taking a large swig, she handed me the bottle.

Copying her motion, I cringed at the burn of the alcohol as it went down into my stomach. I took another one, not really making a face this time.

“You didn’t look that thrilled to be here when you walked in with the blonde guy. You two together or something? He hasn’t stopped looking at you since you walked over here.”

“No, he um… he finds me repulsive.” She turned to glare at Draco.

“Bitch. What’s so repulsive about you? Is it how short you are?” Glaring at her, I stuck my tongue out.

“I’m not short, I just haven’t hit a grow spurt yet.” She laughed.

“So, what about you bothers him so much?” I looked around and motioned for her to move closer. She moved until her knees overlapped mine, and she was almost in my lap. I leaned forward and whispered in her ear.

“I’m gay.” She lifted her eyebrows.

“And I’m a bisexual. Who cares?” She took another drink handing me the half full bottle; I drank more of it. 

“He does. And it’s disgusting to feel that way, so I’m determined to get a girlfriend and make the feeling go away.” I chugged almost all of the alcohol, handing the bottle to her, she drank the rest.

“I’m single.” She giggled and grabbed my hand. “I’m down.” We laughed as she climbed into my lap, making sure to look at Draco, who had a glare on his face.

“I can’t ask you to do that. We hardly know each other.”

“It’s simple. I go by Mel, I’m a Hufflepuff, my birthday is October fifth, and my Patronus is a rabbit.” She nodded at me. “Your turn.”

“I’m a Slytherin, my birthday is July 31st, and my Patronus is a stag.” She kissed my cheek, and got back up; holding her hand out to me.

“Now, come dance with me potter so we can show everyone how badass you are.” Stopping at the table, she grabbed another bottle of alcohol; this time, it was light pink. I followed her to where people were dancing. Blaise and Hermione were dancing extremely close as were Ginny and Luna, who were kissing.  
Mel turned to face me, bringing our bodies close to each other, she began to move her hips to the music; I followed her. We fell into a natural rhythm; I was so focused on her that I didn’t notice my friends staring at us. The pot and alcohol were starting to take effect, and I pulled her closer. The song was upbeat and thumping through the room. She leaned into my ear.

“Trust me?” With a nod, I watched as she took a massive swig off the bottle, swallowing half of it, she handed me the bottle and grabbed the sides of my face. 

She leaned forward and kissed me, then licked my lips. My eyes closed as we continued to sway to the music, the smell of her perfume overtaking my senses. Our lips opened, and my mouth was filled with a fruity liquid, which I swallowed. Our lips broke, and she licked her lips. 

We repeated the kiss and drinking multiple times, and by 11:50, we were both holding each other up while moving slowly to the music. All of a sudden, the lights turned on, and Headmistress McGonagall was standing there with an eyebrow raised.

“You all have ten minutes to be in your respective dorm rooms.” People started breaking apart and stumbling in various directions. I looked at Mel, her light brown hair was a mess from my fingers, and her blue eyes were lit up.

“Guess I’ll see you in the morning, Harry.” With a quick kiss, she disappeared up the stairs. Blaise was helping an extremely drunk Ginny and Draco towards the door. Hermione was holding up a wasted Luna and came over to help me.

We all stumbled down to the dungeons, where Hermione helped Ginny upstairs. I basically crawled up the stairs as I saw double. Blaise left us in our room, where Theo was totally out. Draco looked at me with a glare. I rolled my eyes and started to get ready for bed. My necklace was a light grey and was hanging against my skin. We both got into bed, facing each other. The last thing I saw before I fell asleep was Draco whispering something.


	6. Chapter Six- Breaking up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry that I haven't been updating. I will hopefully be getting back on my uploading schedule to bring this wonderful story to you all.
> 
> As always: enjoy and comment. Kudos are not required but welcome; they give me large amounts of serotonin. XO

Six months. That was how long Melanie and I had kept our relationship going. When we were alone, we were the best of friends. However, when we were around other people, we didn’t keep our hands off each other. I had even introduced her to another Slytherin, Isabelle Warren, who she had a massive crush on; we were unsure if she even liked girls.

Over the months, Draco had gone through girlfriends like crazy. He had worked his way through almost all of Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff. His newest girlfriend was a Ravenclaw girl whose name I didn’t even know.

He always seemed to be around me though, he sat next to me in our classes, unless Melanie was in that class. He sat next to me at dinner, making sure I ate something. He even followed the study schedule that Hermione and Blaise had created; making sure to help me before they could. He even warmed up with me during quidditch.

During one of our trips to the black lake for drinking and smoking, he hovered, and Melanie had pulled me aside. She was thoroughly convinced that Draco had huge feelings for me and that if she was out of the way he would “attack me with enough love to rock the castle”; I disagreed. We had just finished our last final when Melanie cornered me.

“We need to break up, like today.” My jaw dropped.

“What?”

“You heard me. There is a huge party in the Slytherin common room tonight and I think this is the perfect time for both of us to make our moves. You can go after blondie and I’ll make the moves on my red-headed goddess.” I just stared at her as she spoke. “I say we make it big. We’ve been dating since new years so it should be explosive. How good is your acting?”

“Wait. Wait. We can’t just say we broke up?”

“No. We want them both to see it happen. Draco likes to take care of you, I’ve seen it. If we break up in front of everyone, then he will want to see how you're doing. Then BAM you can talk.”

“I don’t want to lie to him. I’m sure we can both agree this went on longer than we thought it would. How do we just lie?”

“Simple, if either of them asks, we both needed someone. If we do this, you can tell him it was fake to make him jealous. That’s my plan with Isabelle, to just tell her that we were faking it to make him jealous, then to make her jealous. And if she isn’t on the lady love train then I’ll drown my sorrows with vodka.” I couldn’t even think as she spoke, but it made sense. I knew what we had to do.

“Okay, first things first. I need to talk to my friends. Hermione and Blaise already suspect something, they asked me about it, but I just brushed them off. Then we do this, we are going to break up because I’m gay. Where do you want to do this?”

“That’s one way to end a relationship. Are you ready to come out?” We started to walk towards the dungeons so I could talk to my friends. Draco had been dragged by his newest girlfriend towards her dorm.

“I’ve struggled with it for months now. You were actually the first person I told outside of my parents. And it felt like a weight off my chest. I’m ready for everyone else to know. I can’t keep pretending to be someone I’m not. I won’t hide anymore, I won’t be scared of what others are going to think.” She hugged me tightly.

“I’m proud of you. You were the best fake boyfriend I’ve ever had.”

“You were the best and the last girlfriend I’ll ever have.” We both laughed as we got to my dorm. She squeezed my shoulder as I went inside. It was now or never.  
Sitting in the back corner on the large couches were my friends, including Luna and Hermione who had basically been here every day. They were all talking about how their finals had gone and their plans for break that started the day after tomorrow. I approached them trying to keep from backing out. Blaise was the first one to see me. I looked around and saw only a few people spread out and far away from us.

“Done snogging that beautiful girlfriend of yours?” Hermione elbowed him. “What? I’m allowed to admire, but I’m not going to go anywhere with you by my side.”

“Cheesy bastard.” Ginny coughed under her breath. I spoke.

“I need to tell you all something. Something that I’ve been hiding. And I have been fighting myself with telling you guys for months now.” They all sat a little straighter as I spoke.

“Harry, you know you can tell us anything. We will always be your friends.” Hermione knew, I wasn’t shocked.

“I’m gay. I’ve been fake dating Mel to make someone jealous and we are going to break up today and everyone is going to know I’m gay. I wanted to tell you guys first because I care about all of you so much.”

No one spoke as I finished. Hermione and Luna didn’t look shocked. Blaise and Ginny, however, were just staring at me. We all just stared at each other. Silence hung in the air as we just stared at each other. Our silence was broken as a voice joined us.

“You guys okay?” My back shivered at the feeling of Draco behind me. “What’s wrong?”

“I’ll see you guys at dinner.” I quickly moved away from them and went upstairs to take a shower.

Spelling the door shut, I turned on the showerhead and just stood under it. If I was honest, I was terrified. So many things could go wrong with this, and the list was endless. From being completely shunned by everyone, to Ron starting to bully me again. I had told Melanie about what had happened with Ron over Christmas, she had wanted and had almost tried to murder him. I explained that he hadn't touched me since, and that was still true. Other than a few slurs aimed my way, Ron acted like I had the plague.

It was hard to believe we had almost been friends, our eleven-year-old selves had latched onto each other on the train. After gorging on sweets and cakes, he deemed us best friends. That quickly ended when we were sorted. He had been placed in Gryffindor, while I was placed in Slytherin; he had glared at me as I moved to the table. Ever since then I had been his number one enemy.

Washing my hair, I couldn’t help as my thoughts drifted to Draco. How would he react? Would he shun me? Join Ron in the attacking?

Drying off and getting dressed, I messed with the necklace around my neck. I still hadn’t figured out who had sent it, both of my dads had said it wasn’t from them. The gem had changed from black to a light yellow and stayed that way for a few months; inner peace. It had been dark green for the last few days. The card that explained the colors was extremely vague and made zero sense to me.

I had shown it to Hermione and Blaise, they told me to take it at face value. Which meant dark red was fear; that was head-on. I could lie and say I was super happy to come out in front of the entire school, but I must not tell lies, I was horrified. Since it school was technically over, I packed all of my stuff away, except for the clothes I would need over the next few days.

Walking out of the common room, I stopped at the sight of Draco fighting with his girlfriend. I caught him telling her “she wasn’t his type”. Moving quickly, I headed towards the great hall, it was game time. Halfway there I spotted Melanie. She walked over to me, breathing deep.

“Once again, are you sure about this?” Nodding, she squeezed my hand. “Who wants to start it? You or me.”

“I’ll follow your lead.” With a smile, she headed down the final set of stairs that stopped outside of the great hall doors.

“Showtime.” She stopped directly in front of me.

I didn’t know what to expect. As I stood in front of her, one thing I hadn’t had on my list was her slapping me.

“You bastard! Six months!” Her voice got louder with each word until she was almost screaming; a crowd quickly formed around us. I swallowed and let my instincts lead me.

“It’s not what you think I swear.” She laughed and pushed me.

“I thought you were in love with me and the entire time you were lying to me.” Everyone surrounding us looked invested. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Draco, he looked confused.

“I wasn’t. I just needed someone who would get me.”

“Oh, I get you loud and clear. You know you don’t date someone while having a crush on someone else.” Murmurs went around us as she began to cry. “It’s even worse when that crush isn’t even a girl.”

You could’ve heard a pin drop a mile away at the silence that surrounded us. The only sound was her crying and everyone breathing.

“I told you that in confidence! I thought you were someone I could trust!”

“Don’t turn this on me. I was honest with you from the beginning about who I liked. You could’ve told me that you didn’t even like women. I wouldn’t have let you lead me on for months if I had known I was dating a gay guy.” She turned towards the onlookers. “You hear that? Harry Potter is gay! Anyone care?” I froze at her words; was this part of the plan? Looking around at everyone, I was shocked at how many people weren’t looking at me but her. A few were glaring at her, some were looking at me with sympathy.

“See. No one gives a fuck.” She grabbed my hands, emotions crossing your face. “If you had just been honest with me from the beginning I would’ve understood Harry. You became one of my closest friends, and I would have listened and been there for you.”

“Do you hate me then? Is that what you’re saying?”

“No. I’m just saying I need time, and if it helps I like someone too. I wish you luck Harry.” Kissing my cheek, she pushed through the crowd. No one had moved yet; Hermione broke through the large group of people who had started talking amongst themselves.

“Dinner? I really hope they have turkey tonight; and those potatoes with the cheese on them.” Blaise appeared on her side followed by Ginny and Luna on my other side. We sat at the Slytherin table, which quickly filled up with people.

Many of them smiling at me, a few sending me thumbs-up, and even a few telling me they were “happy for me”. And even a few people had come up to give me hugs. About three or four gave me a hug and said “I wish I could do come out like that”.

My fear of being an outcast was quickly dashed by my house, and even a few people from other houses came over to talk to me. I didn’t eat much throughout the meal, mainly picking at the food that was on my plate. I caught a glimpse of Draco out of the corner of my eye; he wasn’t looking at anyone.

After finishing eating, everyone went towards our common room, apparently, the party was starting immediately. An hour or so in, I caught sight of Melanie talking to Isabelle; they were holding hands. Three drinks in, I was starting to feel it and decided to join Ginny and Luna who were smoking in the corner.

“Welcome to the land of the gay, my dear friend.” Handing me a joint and a lighter, Ginny smiled. “How’s it feel being out?”

“I was scared, but now I feel free.” They smiled at me.

“See, we came out almost immediately at the end of our third year. My dad was extremely welcoming and happy. Ginnys’ family however…” The redhead glared at the ground.

“Mom and dad were accepting, so were my older brothers, one of them is gay. My brother Percy is a douche regardless. The twins didn’t care either way. Ron however… well you know how he is.” Nodding, I sat back against the couch.

“It would’ve been horrible if my dads weren’t accepting. It seems like everyone here doesn’t care.” They nodded, and started to get closer to each other; I looked away.

The party was in full swing, and everyone was having the best time. Hermione and Blaise were dancing with each other and a few other people. Across from me, I locked eyes with Draco, he was openly staring at me. I took a shaky breath when he pointed his head towards the stairs leading up to the dorm. I don’t think I breathed as he moved through the large amount of people and up the stairs. I was one complete autopilot as I walked up the stairs.


	7. Being Honest

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would like to apologize for the wait. The end of 2020 was difficult for me, and writing was the last thing on my mind. 
> 
> As always: enjoy and comment. Kudos are not required but welcome; they give me large amounts of serotonin. XO

Had there always been this many stairs? Or was it just the out of body feeling I was experiencing right now?

My entire body felt heavy as I opened the door, seeing Draco sitting on his bed. he sat straighter and even started to stand. I moved quickly and sat on my bed; without a doubt, I was unsure of how this conversation was going to go.

Neither of us spoke as we sat there the huge clock in the corner ticking by. Both of us had started to talk multiple times, but no words had actually come out. Watching him take his third deep breath, I tensed as his lips opened.

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have treated you like that, no one deserved that.” I flushed at his words. The fact that he was apologizing was amazing, and I would take what I could get.

“I forgive you. Worse things have happened honestly.” I started to play with my necklace, it had been a habit. I looked up at him, he had a smile on his face.

“I know. I saw you after Christmas remember. Did Blaise tell you about what I did?” He had his classic Malfoy smirk on his face.

“No?”

“Hermione told me that it was that weasel that attacked you and put you in the hospital wing. I accidentally poured a wart potion in his face. I think it lasted for about a week.” He laughed lowly. “Blaise suggested it instead of me beating him half to death like he did you.”

I was surprised. I hadn’t paid any attention to Ron in the days following what had happened. And Blaise hadn’t told me what Draco had done. What surprised me most of all I think is the fact I knew that potion took a few days to brew. He had taken the time to make, just to attack my attacker.

“Blaise didn’t tell me about that. I’m flattered that you did that.” I looked into his eyes, nervous about what I would find there. “Why did you do it?”

“Because you’re my friend, one of my best friends actually.”

“Oh…” His friend… Once again, I wasn’t surprised.

“Yeah. I didn’t want one of my friends to be in pain… Especially you…”

“What do you mean?” he shuffled his feet, running his hands through his hair multiple times.

He had abandoned the slicked-back hair over the last few months, and it always seemed to hang in his face slightly. It was the opposite of what he had said he had to be. He was becoming more relaxed, and more him as we got older.

“I just… You’re… Special…” He turned redder and had broken eye contact.

“I’m not fragile.” He didn’t move, he didn’t look like he was breathing. “And I’m not special.”

“You are. You are one of the best people I know. You’re kind, genuine, and care for our friends. From the moment we met, I knew you and I would be friends. I had been so arrogant, and you still became my friend. You set me straight immediately, telling me that my behavior was not okay.” He had stood up halfway through speaking and was now standing before me.

He was normally a good few inches taller than me, enough that I normally had to look up at him. With me sitting on the bed, there was an even bigger gap between us. As he finished, he was standing between my knees.

“If it hadn’t been for you, I don’t know what I would have done harry. You make me want to be a better person, and I will always want to be a better person for you.” His hand slowly and hesitantly rose to hold the side of my face, his fingers warming my skin, and his eyes locked on mine.

“You are one of the best people I know Draco. You have become this strong and caring person. Not being close to you for months killed me. Not being able to sit with you in class, or even talk to you killed me.” Leaning down, his forehead down to rest on mine he frowned.

“I was an asshole. I shouldn’t have shut you out, you didn’t deserve that. I was trying so hard to push away what I felt.” He moved even closer.

“What do you feel?”

“Honestly? Like I could sink into you, and never come up for air.” To push his words even farther, he leaned down even more.

As our lips connected, I sighed. His lips were as soft as I had imagined them to be. The kiss was slow and gentle, no hesitating on either end. After a few seconds, we broke apart. Wrapping his arms around me, he had a large smile on his face.

“I’ve been wanting to do that since last year. I was just so nervous that you didn’t want me. I didn’t overstep, did I?”

Rolling my eyes, I pulled him down by his shirt, reconnecting our lips. His arms went around my torso as mine went around his neck. As he leaned down into me, I started to fall backward, pulling him with me. My back hit the bed, our kiss breaking as we both laughed.

“Trying to get me in bed already?” he pushed himself up on his arms, so he was hovering above me.

“Definitely.” Smiling, he leaned down to kiss me again.

After a few minutes, we came up for air. He yawned loudly, and stood up, pulling me to sit up. Stretching towards the ceiling, I watched his shirt lift to show his stomach and the light blond hair that disappeared into his pants. Holding back a yawn, I smiled at him.

“Tired?” He glared down at me, teasingly.

“No…” yawning again, he smiled. “Maybe…”

“I’m getting tired too. I’m ready to sleep… if you are?” With a small nod, he moved to get ready for bed. I didn’t move, taking in the view of watching him change. Turning towards me, he turned slightly red.

“What?”

“Just enjoying the view, don’t mind me.” The blush spread to his ears as he pulled a shirt on.

“Didn’t know you were such a perve Potter.”

“For you? Without a doubt.” I got up and started to get ready for bed as well, I could feel his eyes on me. “Who’s staring now?”

“Just enjoying the view, don’t mind me.” He echoed my previous words. Rolling my eyes, I pulled on a shirt and headed towards my bed. We got into our beds, facing each other.

The clock in the corner chimed, signaling that it was one AM. The warm feeling that came with sleep settled over me as I watched Draco’s eyes start to close slowly. With a small smile, I drifted off to sleep, thoughts of small kisses, and blonde hair in my thoughts.

❖❖❖❖

I woke to the sound of various voices shuffling throughout the room. Trying to ignore the sound, I pulled my blanket over my head and snuggled down into the warmth. I was almost back asleep when the blanket was pulled completely off my body. Quickly, I sat up to glare at the person, finding Blaise standing there with the blanket.

“The train to go home leaves in an hour, and you haven’t finished packing. Between you and the blonde princess, we’ll miss it.”

“Blonde princess?” as I asked, Blaise, pulled off the blanket on Draco.

“What the fuck Zambini?!?”

“58 minutes bitches.” I looked over at Draco, my face felt warm as our eyes met.

“Morning.”

“Morning.” Neither of us moved, as we just stared at each other.

“56!” Slightly worried about what Blaise would do if we didn’t move, I got up.

Over the next half hour, I finished throwing all my stuff into my trunk, ignoring Blaise lecturing me on the “proper way to pack”. During that time, Draco and I had run into each other, with small looks and smiles, we made it through. Finally done and dressed for our train rides home, Draco and I gravitated towards each other.

“We are meeting the girls downstairs before we go. You love birds coming?” Blaise’s words stopped us in our tracks.

“We… um… What?”

“I might be dumb, but I’m not stupid.”

“You are second in our classes Blaise.” Draco rolled his eyes.

“Regardless. You two aren’t fooling anyone. Now, let’s go.”

Without another word, he turned and walked out the door. Watching him walk away, I froze as Draco slipped his hand into mine. He didn’t say anything, he just pulled me towards the stairs. As soon as we were in the common room, a few people stopped and stared, Draco didn’t let go of my hand, and even pulled me closer. Finally letting go of my hand, he wrapped his arms around my shoulders, kissing the side of my head. We left the common room, following Blaise throughout the halls.

“It feels good to be able to touch you without fear. I thought I’d be hesitant, but it feels good to just do what I want.”

“And you’re not afraid of what people might say?”

“what they might say? That I’m getting to touch the hottest guy in school? Let the bastards be jealous.”

“I’m not the hottest guy in school. Have you looked in the mirror?” Blaise laughed in front of us.

"You two are sickening.”

“Yes, because you and granger are much better. I thought I was going to get secondhand cavities after being around you for a minute.”

“Were we really that bad?” Hermione’s voice came from beside us. She was in her muggle clothing and had her hair up in a bun.

“Morning babe.” Blaise grabbed her by the waist and kissed her.

“Sickly sweet.” Hermione flipped Draco off.

“Start giving us shit Malfoy, and you’ll get it back tenfold.” She pointed to us, with a mildly wicked smile. “Happy for you two.” They walked towards the great hall, talking about their plans for the summer.

“What are you doing for break?” I hadn’t heard him talk about his plans, and his family usually did something exciting.

“Oh, Mom and I are going to visit some of her family in America. We went once right before I started school, and she misses them. What about you?”

“Nothing exciting honestly.” We didn’t usually go on trips due to the full moon, but I couldn’t tell Draco that. “we normally just relax at home. I’m not big on traveling.” I didn’t like being around tons of people and being someone new didn’t help. We sat next to Ginny and Luna who were talking about a camping trip.

“You two finish planning the trip?” Hermione said between bites of food.

“Yes. Permission from parents and we are good. Just waiting for a day.”

“You guys are going camping?”

“Yeah, towards the end of summer. My parents took me to this forest tons when I was younger, and we thought it would be perfect to end the summer with it. You guys wanna come? I think it’ll be best the week before we come back.”

“I’ll be back by then.”

“We should be back from France by then, if not I’m sure mom wouldn’t mind if I come back early.”

“I’m not going anywhere so I’m down.”

“Sweet. I’ll send everyone an owl a few days before so we can all meet the right place.” Luna said with a smile.

A bell rang loudly through the hall, signaling that it was time to head towards the carts for the train. Over the next few hours, we laughed, ate snacks, and talked about the previous year. As we pulled into the station, I couldn’t help but hold Draco’s hand tighter.

We hadn’t really talked about what this was, or where it was going. I wasn’t even sure where to begin talking about last night and today. Luckily, I didn’t have to since Draco pulled me behind a pillar, keeping an eye out for his mom and my dad’s. Pinning me against the pillar, he kissed me slowly, his arms on either side of my head.

“As cliché as it sounds, you’ll write to me, right?”

“Sure. Every day.” We both laughed.

“Every hour.” He joked. “Honestly though, once a week is fine with me.”

“Sounds like a plan.” Someone called for Draco as people left the platform.

“I’ll miss you…”

“I’ll miss you more.” With a final kiss, he walked away.

It was only a month and a half. And with letters every week, it would fly by quickly. Joining my dad’s, we left the station, questions of why I was smiling continued until we got home. I’d tell them, eventually.


End file.
